Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dear (ay-yah-FYAH'-plah-yer-kuh-duhl) I love you

As most of you have probably heard by now an Icelandic volcano named Eyjafjallajokul (a name which I am certain no human or extraterrestrial species from any planet can actually pronounce) is currently emitting a buttload of ash that is getting blown into the European skies, and closing down almost every major airport.

Unlike the doomsayers and debbie downers, I think this is one of the most awesome events of my life! My reasons for loving this volcano are numerous.
For starters, volcanoes make me think of dinosaurs. Which immediately makes me think of Mrs. Tornell's kindergarten class in 1991 when we had our dinosaur unit and made "Stegosaurus Salad," something that is way more awesome than a normal salad because you got to pretend to be a Stegosaurus as you ate lettuce. Our teacher also wanted to make T-Rex T-bone, but luckily it was really difficult to find a nice cut of Pterodactyl in the 90's. My favorite part of the year was when our pet bunny gave birth to baby bunnies. I would sit quietly for hours holding one of the cuddly baby bunnies and looking back I think that was the happiest time of my life. So thank you Eyjafjallajokul (or as I have taken to calling it la-la-boo-boo) for reminding me just how much I love bunny rabbits.

Eyjafjallajokul (la-la-boo-boo) also naturally makes me reflect on my own time spent in Iceland. In March of 2009, while the majority of the co-eds in America either headed to Mexico, Florida, or their parents basements for a week of debauchery. My roommates Kerry, Erica and I headed to Iceland. On our first night we were fed rotten shark, given a drink called black death, and then robbed. At the time, it was a little nerve-racking being in a foreign country, dependent only upon Whoopi Goldberg (erica) for money. In the end it turned out to be the greatest trip of our lives, because Kerry and I discovered our true calling and greatest talent in life. The two of us blossomed into full fledged professional super sleuths, and were able to track our stolen credit cards to a Lithuanian Mafia den. Granted we left Iceland without our credit cards, and the police weren't nearly as impressed with our findings as we hoped, but it was still an incredible trip and I still really like bunny rabbits.

The final, and perhaps most significant reason that Eyjafjallajokul (la-la-boo-boo) excites me, is that it is not often in life you get to experience a situation in which your life is greatly altered by a Volcano. Unless you try and go to Puerto Rico, in which case Volcanic ash is par for the course. Though to date this whole situation has in actuality had no affect on my life. I am greatly considering booking a last minute trip to a place I seriously have no desire to ever go, like Zambia. Then when my flight is canceled, I can then go around telling the story of the time I tried so desperately to go to Zambia but then Eyjafjallajokul (la-la-boo-boo) had to go get in the way and crush my dreams. My grandkids will be hearing about that one... and the bunny rabbits.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Art of Fine Dining... Alone

I don't think there is anyone on this planet that could possibly love me, more than I already love myself. I honestly think I am the most fun, clever, witty, ingenious, and most importantly humble person I know. It is for the reasons just listed (and so many more), when given the opportunity, I never decline an invitation to dine with myself.

Now, I don't want to give the impression of being a loner, I have an incredible circle of friends that literally span every corner of the globe. Meaning that I can go literally anywhere in the world and have at least a semi close acquaintance with which to dine. I am by nature a very social person, and I do in fact crave interaction with others. I have never been able to stay at home for a whole day without going stir crazy, and am almost always signed in to: messenger, gchat and skype simultaneously. However, that being said, I feel a certain smug satisfaction in dining alone in public. It's kind of like going commando in a sense, just as a free flyer could have donned underwear that morning, I could have called a friend to join me on my lunch date, but instead I chose (and thats the imperative word) not to.

It can be tricky at times determining the best place to dine by oneself. I personally like locales that while slightly tucked away, still present prime viewing for people watching. Unlike, solo dining amateurs, I prefer to take my meals without the safety shield of a book or magazine. I like to stare the world head on and openly judge passerby-ers without distraction. Sweden is the perfect country for eating alone. Cafes present the ideal atmosphere. Warm and inviting, yet also slightly over crowded yielding them a great location for eaves-dropping. Or giggling like a school girl to yourself when a conversation sounds something like this "blah blah blah blah blah what the f&ck man blah blah blah blah" (Swedes, especially teenagers, love throwing random American expletives and phrases into daily conversation, it amuses me to no end)

However, no where in Sweden do you find more solo diners than in Vegetarian restaurants.
After thorough research, I have conducted while eating at three different vegetarian restaurants around the city, I have come up with a theory to explain the remarkable amount of solo eaters in these establishments. Just as American homosexual men in the 1980's resorted to public bathrooms in the parks of L.A. to get their fix. Swedish Vegetarians must also lead a life of secrecy. How else can you expect to be accepted in a country whose food pyramid consists of two sections: 1) meat 2) potatoes. These people (vegetarians... *shudder*) have no choice but to dine in secrecy and can under no circumstances let their friends or families know about their true orientation. The diners always look the same, slightly frightened, huddled over, trying to obscure their faces, while also keeping a look out lest anyone recognize them.

In an attempt to utilize this blog as a vehicle for change. I want to take the opportunity to tell these poor solo vegetarian eaters, there is no shame in eating alone. I can't support their decision to shun meat... seriously I can't get enough of the stuff....mmmm meatballs. However that being said, solo vegetarian diners!!! Sit up tall and proud as you consume your potatoes prepared five ways (If Sweden does one thing well, it is to stay true to its values, potatoes: Swedes, ambrosia: Greek Gods). Don't hide your face behind your sustainable energy text book, you are an interesting, enlightened person, so take the time to get to know yourself over a solo meal, you'll probably realize just how awesome you really are (though I am going to be honest, I won't ever think you are as awesome as me!!)