My Swedish Gym

As many of you are probably aware... about a month ago I broke down and joined a gym. Unwilling to be inconvenienced in any way, I joined a gym that is exactly a 3.25 minute walk from my apartment.

The Gym is called "World Class Fitness" and has destroyed every last miniscule molecule of my self confidence.

You see, a normal gym is a place where people go to work on their physique. The word "work" implies there are still areas that can be improved. My gym on the other hand is a place where cyborg robots go to flaunt their .09% body fat and rippling biceps.

The other gym goers are petrifying! Their brute strength being contained by nothing more than shiny spandex lurex blend body suits. I've seen grandmas come hobbling in on walkers, rip of their jackets and then run on the treadmill for an hour! A paraplegic lifting 150 kgs!! A deaf blind person complete a kick boxing class!!! These people simply aren't human!!!

Today for the first time in a month there was an exception and I almost wept for joy. Out of the sea of physical perfection stood a slightly overweight but kind looking man of around 25. Soo eager to finally find someone on my level, I went out of my way to smile at him at every opportunity. Crunches...look up smile... dumb bells...look up smile... and so on in this pattern for 20 minutes. My tubby chubby friend unfortunately, could not be bothered to look at his fellow physically challenged compatriot, because his attention had been caught by the Giselle Bundchen look alike on the recumbent bike.

And so it goes...

Quarter Life Crisis

I came to a realization last night that I am indeed going through a quarter life crisis... 3 years earlier than my intended quarter life. ( I neeeed to live to be 100!!) The crisis is brought on by three main problems in my life:

1) After 22 years I am bored with my face... my god it just never changes, everyday I look in the mirror and its still the same!!! Solution: when I go home for Christmas I am getting bangs. Even if bangs make me look worse than Stephanie Tanner during her pre-meth days... at least it will be something new to look at!

2) I need to stop eating a pound of chocolate a day. For those who experienced the "Post Uppsala Kirsten"... You know the detrimental effects of my last stay in Sweden... triple chin whaaaat? This problem luckily is rectifying itself. I am patiently waiting for money to be put in my bank account so I can survive through November, December and pay January rent. So far it's been a week and the money has yet to go through... meaning I literally have 30 kronors to my name. Making grocery shopping impossible and cutting off my food supply.

3) My life has become mundane and I need to inject some excitement. The clear answer to this problem is that I need to develop a crush! It needs to be someone so out of reach and unattainable that it literally causes pain every time I see him. I have to get so flustered during our encounters that I utter the most embarrassing stories ever about my grandma's out of control hemorrhoids, and then beat myself up about the encounter for the next week. Currently on the look out!

In other news Christian had a really fun party last night!! A few of us headed to ParkLane after (love that place!!!!!), then traversed to McDonald's. Not sure why I eat fast food here... I never do at home... but it was delicious!! Then wound up at an efterfest, with Sarah, in the nicest old apartment in all of Sweden (based on my very limited experience of being in two) and walked home around 7 am.

Now I am super le tired... and going through the toys'r'us christmas toys catalogue that came in the mail today... I don't get a paper, just the adds that are normally inserted. Did you know they still make polly pockets and the littlest pet shop... totally different design now. I also totally would have been asking for the Pony Slott (My little pony castle) if this was 15 years ago and Santa was still heeding my beck and call! Maybe he can find me a crush....

Mourning

Erica left this morning after a ten day visit and I am officially in mourning. I have spent my evening with the lights dimmed, candles lit, eating chocolate and listening to Celine Dion (Ok so her departure hasn't affected my usual nightly habits in the least bit... but I am sad!!) No more visitors for me... it was fun while it lasted!!!

A lot has happened since I have last written, but I'm not sure stories about illegally smuggling Pronghorn Antelopes into Finland is an appropriate topic for a blog... so I will start with something a little more savory... My Halloween PARTY!!!

On Friday, I hosted a small gathering in my apartment. The evening included food (I devoured an entire meat pie), a few drinking games of the Amerikansk variety, and a whole lot of debauchery. Now for the full rundown.

The evening started calmly enough with a flapper, 2 pirates, Axl Rose, a mexican, a swede in a towel, and a gypsy playing f*ck the dealer, followed by Kings. Things quickly spiraled out of control. With 20 people in attendance I expected the evening to remain a quite calm affair. (When have I ever thrown a calm affair??) Things really took off during the "pin the nose on jack-o-latern" game. Sebastian's friend from Stockholm, who we will call "the one who dropped me." Picked people up spun them around vigorously and then smacked my friend Jessica's head into a pole.

It was then time for beer pong... erica and I dominated... literally never, lost but had to give up because I couldn't drink anymore... so naturally it was time for flip cup!! Things continued on in this fashion for a quite a while. One party guest may have even needed a two hour nap (haha).

As for "the one who dropped me," he ended his evening picking me up, sprinting towards my bedroom (or the kitchen but that would be just weird), slipping and landing on top of me. Yes, I know what you are thinking "Kirsten fell again, shocking..." but it honestly wasn't my fault!!!!!

We ended the evening in my crazy hippie neighbors garage/home. I talked to the dog (not wearing a diaper this time) lola, while jessica banged the bongo.

The next day Erica and I awoke to the most horrific site of my life...the mess made the mods look spotless!!!! But it was nothing a mop, broom, vacuum, dish soap, hydrogen peroxide, three loads of laundry, and a smoke bomb couldn't handle!!! 4.5 hours later we were done and it was time to watch Crash. My response to the movie --Dear Residents of L.A. you are all horribly racist, and I had no idea that Ludicrus called asian people "Chinamen," shame on you Luda!! But seriously who let Luda be in a movie??? Oh and Ryan Phillipe... why do you talk like you are missing chromosomes?

That night (saturday) we went to dinner with Sebastian and "the one who dropped me." Erica and I were very overtired and couldn't stop laughing the whole night. I ate a delicious dead cow and then refused to share my ice cream for dessert. Erica shared hers with "the one who dropped me" (ice cream is not a sharing food OK!!!) The whole table may have had an intense discussion about the complexity of the bathroom in the restaurant, followed by multiple trips to said bathroom to investigate.

Sunday night Erica and I went to the movies, we saw couples retreat... I decided I needed an extra large coke. The movie was terrible (minus a few funny moments here and there) but the caffeine high that kept me awake all night was even more horrific.

So far this week has been all about schoolwork... but that's boring, so from now on instead of saying school work I will say "viking ships."

So far this week has been all about viking ships... gosh my life is cool!!!